The Ringwraiths go to the Dentist
by Alisyn
Summary: Written by someone who really hates the dentist. But likes the Nazgul. And I thought...well, I have an idea for it, that's hasn't happened yet. I've just posted the second chapter! :) Please review! Hooray, twenty reviews! Everybody be happy!
1. Daisy Chains

**THE RINGWRAITHS GO TO THE DENTIST**

One sunny day, all nine Nazgul were sitting in a field of wildflowers, making daisy chains. Ringwraith Number Seven had a crown of tiny white flowers already on his head. And it looked really funny, because none of the Ringwraiths were wearing their dark evil mysterious robes. Wait wait! All you crazy movie junkies who haven't read the books: Ringwraiths' bodies are invisible. The only way you see them is because their clothes are moving around, because they're still solid. So, for example, since Seven had a crown of flowers, all people could see was the daisies floating in the air.

So anyway, the Nine were thoroughly enjoying themselves. There was a red-and-white checked picnic blanket spread on the grass. Do Ringwraiths even eat? I don't think so. So there wasn't any food, but the sun was shining and birds were singing and dropping dead because the Nazgul don't like birds very much.

Suddenly they hear a harsh voice: 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET OVER HERE, YE EEJITS! I DIDN'T GIVE YOU A BREAK! WHAT ARE YOU GETTING PAID FOR?!?'

Six groaned. 'There's Sauron again,' he muttered. The Nazgul packed up their blanket and leaped onto their evil-looking black horses.

When they arrived at Barad-dur they dismounted and sprinted into the tower. Sauron was waiting in a deep dark chamber, hairbrushes and nail polish jars spread about him on the floor. When they came into the room he looked up suddenly (which is stupid because they're invisible, but never mind) and stood up quickly.

'I've been...waiting,' he said, glancing at the beauty supplies strewn on the carpet. 'Er, anyway...ggrrr! I hate talking to you when I can't even see you! Take these.' He threw assorted scarves and hats and vests at them, which they put on, so he could see vaguely where they were.

'Okay, that's better, I guess...' He raised one eyebrow. They were really stupid-looking like this. 'Anyway, there's something you need to do.'

All the Ringwraiths wished he would just hurry up and say something useful. There were trees to destroy, people to kill, Rings to be reclaimed...

'I've scheduled dentist appointments for all of you,' Sauron finished. 'You haven't had one in far too long. I can smell your breath from here. Perhaps the dentist can convince you to brush. And I know that your teeth are crooked, maybe the dentist can help.'

The Nine recoiled. 'No! Not the dentist!' cried Five.

'We _hate_ the dentist!' Two whined.

'My teeth are beautiful, thank you very much!' Four said haughtily.

'Uh, yeah, besides the fact that they CAN'T BE SEEN? You are all going to the dentist. Tomorrow. Period. It's already been scheduled, and there isn't enough time, you need to contact them four days ahead of time to postpone,' Sauron said finally.

'So of course you waited until the day before to tell us,' said Eight.

'SHUT YOUR TRAP! You are GOING! Case closed.'

'You'll make a great father,' muttered One. But their doom was sealed. They were going to the dentist tomorrow.

* * *

Okay, I hope that's better than I think it is. Please review, please no flames. Constructive criticism is good, though. And it will get better, I have got a plan, really I have!   
  
LOL! Thanks to 'The Evil Old Woman' for correcting me; yesterday when I was writing this I put Saruman instead of Sauron! Oops! So I uploaded it again. And if I accidentally say Saruman again you know I mean Sauron. :) 


	2. A Very Brave and Daring Plan, And Doughn...

**THE RINGWRAITHS GO TO THE DENTIST**  


The Nazgul gathered around to come up with a plan to avoid their dentist appointment.

'Come on, people. _Think!_' said One desperately, pacing around the group.

'It's no use,' said Three. 'We're doomed.'

Eight nodded. 'Tis a cruel fate,' he added glumly. 'Novocaine.'

'Don't give up! There's still hope,' said Nine, but he did not sound convincing.

Suddenly Seven perked up. 'I know!' he cried.

'WHAT?' asked the other eight Nazgul eagerly.

'We can steal the dentist's secretary's book and move our appointment to six months from now! They'll never notice.'

The Nine are silent for a moment. The only sound is crickets chirping. 'So, er, what do you think?' asked Seven.

'Well, it's a very good idea, Seven, really,' said One.

'That bad, huh?' asked Seven, crestfallen. The others nodded. 'Well, are there any other ideas?'

Again silence. 'I guess it will have to do, then,' said One.

'Make me feel special,' Seven muttered. He was ignored.

'When will we do it, One?' asked Four.

'The appointment is tomorrow,' said One. 'We'll have to do it today. Now.'

They mounted their horses and rode off into the distance, towards the torture chamber known as the dentist office. When they got close, they went around and approached the building from behind. They dismounted and crouched behind the trees, looking at the building.

'What's your plan, Seven?' asked One.

'I _told_ you already,' said Seven impatiently. 'We go in, steal the appointment book--'

'Yes, but _how_ do we get in?'

'Oh. Well, er...I didn't exactly plan that part.'

'I've got it!' said Two. 'We build a wooden horse. Four of us get in it, and the other push it to the front door. Then when the dentist brings it inside, we'll jump out of the horse...' He trailed off, because the others were looking at him like he'd lost his mind. He cleared his throat and looked around guiltily.

'Well, that was interesting,' said Five.

'I don't hear any brilliant ideas popping out of _your_ mouth, Five!' said Two.

'Forget it!' said One loudly. 'It doesn't matter.'

'What are you planning to do, then?' asked Three. 'We can hardly just jump down the chimney!'

One gasped. 'That's _brilliant_!' he exclaimed. 'One of us will climb onto the roof, slip down the chimney, snitch the appointment book, and...'

'And then what? Climb _up_ the chimney?' said Six skeptically.

'Of course not,' said One, thinking quickly. 'Another person will be on the roof and...and drop down a rope for them to climb up.'

They sat for a moment in silence, but no one could think of anything better, and they all realised that they were running out of time. 'All right, then,' sighed Six. 'Let's do it.'

'Brilliant. Who's going to go inside and grab the notebook?' asked One. The Ringwraiths glanced at each other. 'Let's not all jump up at once,' said One crossly. Eight jabbed his finger at Five. 'Eight! Thank you so much for volunteering!'

'What! But I...I--' Eight stammered.

'We appreciate it,' said One, all business. 'On you go then, Eight.'

Eight opened his mouth again to argue, but decided it was no use. 'I'm going, I'm going.' _One, two, three, GO!_ He sprinted out from behind the tree, darted across short lawn, and stood against the wall. Then he jumped up and down, trying to reach the eaves. The roof was too high. He turned around and motioned to the others to help him. 'Come on!' he whispered.

Three and Six ran over and knelt, weaving their fingers together to make footholds for Eight. Eight stepped on and they struggled to lift him. Eight reached up and grabbed the overhang. 'Got it!' he whispered. He struggled up until he was on the rooftop. 'Yes!' said Nine, from behind the trees. One clapped his hand over Nine's mouth.

Eight walked carefully over to the chimney. 'No way,' he said, looking at the small opening. He shook his head.

'You have to! Come on,' said Six. He and Three were standing just outside the overhang of the building, watching him.

Eight sighed. Catiously he swung over one foot, then the other, until he was sitting on the rim of the chimney. "If something happens, One will end up very sorry," he thought, and dropped himself inside.

Luckily, the dentists' office almost never used the fireplace, so there was no soot or ashes to be blown into the room. However, there was a bit of wood, which caused Eight a considerable amount of pain as he hit the bottom. He crawled out of the fireplace and into a convenient corner, out of sight. He looked around him. He was in an empty waiting room. Behind a counter was a woman, typing. She grabbed a pen from a jar on her desk, made a little note, and turned back to the computer.

'Bonnie!' came a voice from a room farther back.

'What is it now?' called the woman behind the counter.

'You want a doughnut?'

'Coming!' The woman behind the desk, Bonnie, finished whatever she had been typing, stood up, and left the room.

Perfect, thought Eight. He crept towards the desk and peered over the counter. Pencils, keyboard, memos, clipboard, dog treats, appointment book. Bingo! He snatched the spiral-bound book and a pencil, then sat on the floor with his back to the counter. This is today, he said to himself, jabbing his finger at the paper. That means that this is tomorrow. _10:30 AM--RINGWRAITHS_. He erased that, then flipped towards the end of the book. He chose a random space and wrote: _10:30 AM--RINGWRAITHS_. Perfect.

He replaced the appointment book and pencil, then crept back to the fireplace. He slapped the brick inside of the chimney. 'Hey!' he whispered up. He could not yell, or he would be discovered, but how could he catch the other Nazguls' attention? 'Hey!' he whispered again.

Suddenly the bright square at the top of the chimney was blacked out. 'Ready, Eight?' It was Nine.

'Yes, I'm ready. Pull me up!' Eight glanced behind him, but Bonnie had not returned. A thick rope fell down, and he grabbed hold of it. He started to climb, and also Nine pulled the rope up, so he came up doubly fast. Theoretically.

Nine groaned. It was heavy! 'Help me, guys,' he called softly. The other seven came over from where they had been sitting on the roof, waiting. 'Hold the rope and help me pull him up,' Nine directed them.

They pulled. The eight of them together was easily enough, and Eight was still climbing by himself, so they got him up and out quickly. When Eight was out, he brushed himself off and then turned to the rest of the group. 'Mission accomplished,' he breathed.

'Good, let's get out of here now,' said One. They all clambered down from the roof and into the trees. They found the place where their horses were waiting, mounted, and rode back to the Dark Tower.

* * *

Huzzah! 


End file.
